Was coming back from lunch with co-worker 1 yesterday and saw TDS walking toward the TDSmobile. It was too late for TDS to be going for lunch, so we assumed a sickness was afoot.
I pulled the car alongside and waited to get her nervous attention at the car following her in the parking lot.
TDS looked at me and I say, "How much?"
A momentarily furrowed brow is followed by, "Haha! I get it." She then twists her face into anguish and says, "I don't know."
Co-Worker 1 says, "You're the worst prostitute ever."
TDS answers, "I feel like I'm going to barf so I'm going home."
Yes, I agree: The worst prostitute ever.
Dowd Mainpage
Friday, March 11, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
St. Paddy's Day
It began with co-worker 1 and I discussing how an actor is becoming more and more like Bill Cosby every year, and devolved into both of us doing really poor bill cosby impressions... loudly.
TDS walks up to us while we're contorted into a number of mildly painful Bill Cosby poses and says rather triumphantly in her quiet, apologetic TDS voice: "That's Bill Cosby."
An awkward silence followed, but only briefly. Then co-worker 1, whose name is Paddy, began contorting even more grotesquely and resumed Cosbifying the room.
I, in my bad Bill Cosby said, "There's something wrong with Bill Paddy's spats-see..."
TDS, always either 2 hours ahead or 15 years behind the conversation said, "St. Patty's Day isn't until next week."
The Bills feel silent.
TDS walks up to us while we're contorted into a number of mildly painful Bill Cosby poses and says rather triumphantly in her quiet, apologetic TDS voice: "That's Bill Cosby."
An awkward silence followed, but only briefly. Then co-worker 1, whose name is Paddy, began contorting even more grotesquely and resumed Cosbifying the room.
I, in my bad Bill Cosby said, "There's something wrong with Bill Paddy's spats-see..."
TDS, always either 2 hours ahead or 15 years behind the conversation said, "St. Patty's Day isn't until next week."
The Bills feel silent.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Questionable Directions
TDS: A friend of mine is coming here for lunch and asked me if we're on the north or south side of the street, but I'm a girl, I know left and right.
Me: Okay but you see how that's really not precise?
TDS: Guys know directions, girls know left and right.
Me: But you know where that street is right?
TDS points behind her.
I point behind me, the other direction.
Me: Okay. This is a problem. But it's easily remedied. Stop thinking in "holding a compass" kind of directions and just think in a more vague sense. Do you know where we are?
TDS: Yes.
Me: Do you know where the Valley is?
TDS: Yes.
Me: Okay, that's north.
TDS: Yes.
Me: Do you know where Disneyland is?
TDS: Yes.
Me: Okay, that's South.
TDS: Yes.
Me: Are we on the side of the street that is nearer to Disneyland or the Valley?
TDS: When I come here I turn left.
Me: Yes, and you're heading West? But what if he's heading East?
Awkward pause.
TDS: Is that left or right?
This continued for another 20 minutes. Some tears were shed, some voices were raised, and 5 minutes devoted to the ocean being West and the desert being East (even if you couldn't see them), but in the long run, the friend got here, and he came from two blocks South and less than a mile West. They're at lunch right now. I forgot to ask if she ever gave him NSEW directions.
Me: Okay but you see how that's really not precise?
TDS: Guys know directions, girls know left and right.
Me: But you know where that street is right?
TDS points behind her.
I point behind me, the other direction.
Me: Okay. This is a problem. But it's easily remedied. Stop thinking in "holding a compass" kind of directions and just think in a more vague sense. Do you know where we are?
TDS: Yes.
Me: Do you know where the Valley is?
TDS: Yes.
Me: Okay, that's north.
TDS: Yes.
Me: Do you know where Disneyland is?
TDS: Yes.
Me: Okay, that's South.
TDS: Yes.
Me: Are we on the side of the street that is nearer to Disneyland or the Valley?
TDS: When I come here I turn left.
Me: Yes, and you're heading West? But what if he's heading East?
Awkward pause.
TDS: Is that left or right?
This continued for another 20 minutes. Some tears were shed, some voices were raised, and 5 minutes devoted to the ocean being West and the desert being East (even if you couldn't see them), but in the long run, the friend got here, and he came from two blocks South and less than a mile West. They're at lunch right now. I forgot to ask if she ever gave him NSEW directions.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Happy Birthday, TDS!
All: Happy Birthday!
TDS: Oh! Today is my aunt's birthday, too. Her name is Jeannie. And when I was a kid, I thought she was a genie.
All: ......
TDS: Because her name was Jeannie. And she had blonde hair. And she looked like Barbara Eden.
Me: Did she live in a bottle?
TDS: No! I don't know.
TDS: Oh! Today is my aunt's birthday, too. Her name is Jeannie. And when I was a kid, I thought she was a genie.
All: ......
TDS: Because her name was Jeannie. And she had blonde hair. And she looked like Barbara Eden.
Me: Did she live in a bottle?
TDS: No! I don't know.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
New Furniture
Upon returning to work after going home to take delivery of a new couch....
Me: How's your couch?
TDS: It looks like a couch!
Me: That's good.
TDS: Well, you never know what it's going to look like when you order it online.
Co-Worker: How's your $200 couch?
TDS: It was $200!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Gross
Co-Worker: Aw, man. I saw the grossest thing last night. We were watching the Food Channel--
TDS {interrupting}: Were they making pancakes?
TDS {interrupting}: Were they making pancakes?
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